Kirsten nodded her head slowly as she listened to Tony recount his memories of the shooting. She took in a deep breath, wondering how children as young as him would ever come back from this. Even as a counselor, she knew how PTSD could take over someones life, almost like…
Kirsten continued to listen to him recount his memories. She had always been able to maintain a personal distance between what she was being told and her own life. Being a counselor wasn’t an easy job, and over the years she had begun to develop a thicker set of skin to what she was being told. But now? Now she couldn’t stop imagining every thing, every person, every scenario that Tony was describing. “Tony, there was nothing that you could have done. He was a man with a gun. He was a psychopath and there was no reasoning with him. He shot anybody who got in his way. He shot without caring or thinking about his consequences or the devastation that would follow. The only thing you could do was try to survive, and you did.”
“I want to refer you to see a pyschiatrist. It sounds to me like you’re suffering from PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. These recurring dreams about the shooting and not being able to escape the memory are symptoms of PTSD, and there is a variety of medications that can help you. And you and I can set up regular meetings to talk and bring things out into the open so you don’t feel so trapped. Does that sound good?”
“No,” She smiled sweetly, motioning for him to pick a seat anywhere in her office. “You’re just on time. And to be honest, I wasn’t really doing anything too important.” She let out a small laugh, and situated herself to be more comfortable in her chair. She knew the name, Tony Fernish, but hadn’t been able to put a face to it when he booked the appointment. She vaguely remembered seeing him outside the school after the shooting in one of the medic tents talking to the first responders. She had hoped over time most of that day would become a blur in her mind, and yet her mind couldn’t forget. It was constantly on repeat in her mind. She shook her head in a futile attempt to get rid of the thoughts. “So, what’s up?” She asked.
Tony sat down in one of the soft chairs by the desk. Tony tried to think where to start. He stared at the floor and picked at a loose thread on his shirt. “I uh,” he looked up at Ms. Phillips and gave a slight smile, “I don’t know where to start really,” Tony thought about the shooting, where he was, what he went through. “I guess I can start when I got a text from Emma. She asked where I was, I thought it was weird cause she never really text each other, we call. The courtyard was empty and then I got another text from Emma telling me she got shot,” Tony creased his brow, “At the time I had no idea what she was talking about, all I knew was I needed to find her. I know it was stupid, but she is extremely important to me, I couldn’t just leave her..” The memories nagged at the back of his mind and tugged at his heart. He sighed and continued, “I decided to go and look for her. So, I ran to the Shier House,” Tony stopped and stared into space, the memories flashed in his mind like a movie, replaying the girls he saw crying and clinging to him, and the boy. The boy he had held in his arms while he slowly bled to death. Tony blinked away the tears welling up in his eyes. “In the Shier House, I heard some shots and um, well, while I was there I saw some things…” Tony wiped his nose with his sleeve.
Kirsten nodded her head slowly as she listened to Tony recount his memories of the shooting. She took in a deep breath, wondering how children as young as him would ever come back from this. Even as a counselor, she knew how PTSD could take over someones life, almost like a cancer. Sure talking and some meds and working through it could help and make it manageable - she had helped and seen it happen. But this time, she had an insight to what Tony had seen - what so many of the students had seen. She had seen it herself. Dead students. Dead teachers. Lives gone. Stolen. In the blink of an eye. It was incredibly overwhelming and she wondered if she was the person to help these kids when she herself knew there were so many of her own underlying issues that she needed to deal with in regards to the shooting. She quickly shook all the thoughts from her head. Someone else was in her office - it was about them - and she needed to be fully aware and present to do her job.
“Do you feel comfortable telling me what you saw?” She asked, trying to get him to open up to her. “I saw a lot of things; a lot of horrible things that I never thought I would see in this job. Hell, things I never thought I would see in my lifetime. I understand about worrying and wanting to find, Emma. I wanted to find Ms. Douglas. Our hearts make us do things, even when we know they’re dangerous and the consequences grave.” She spoke softly.
Kirsten sat at her desk, absently scrolling through flight details. She had been entertaining the idea of going back to California to visit her family since she knew that her fiance was in the clear. Although she was still angry, it gave her a peace of mind to know that within a few weeks, Jen would be home. But for now, the apartment still felt empty, and being at Rothesay felt different in a way she couldn’t explain. The events of the shooting still were with her, and she herself was trying to deal with those feelings as well as help the students through their own.
“Come in,” She spoke softly, powering off her computer screen. She had been expecting Tony at the end of the day, and didn’t realize how quickly she had lost track of time.
Tony breathed in a quick breath and stood up straight, “You can do this,” he said quietly to himself. He quickly walked into the office space and looked down at the desk in front of him. The room was welcoming to Tony, it gave him a feeling of relief. He was even more relieved seeing a kind looking face sitting behind the desk. The ‘counselors’ Tony had been to in the past weren’t very much help. He always seemed to be with the judgmental women, one’s in dark rooms with clicking pens, one’s that forced things out of him. But not this time, she was friendly looking and the room was bright. Still nervous, Tony managed a few sentences, “Hi, I’m Tony. I’m here for my appointment at four, am I too early?” He stood awkwardly for a moment looking around the office. There were photos with smiling faces, office drawers, comfy chairs, and a bench. He liked it.
“No,” She smiled sweetly, motioning for him to pick a seat anywhere in her office. “You’re just on time. And to be honest, I wasn’t really doing anything too important.” She let out a small laugh, and situated herself to be more comfortable in her chair. She knew the name, Tony Fernish, but hadn’t been able to put a face to it when he booked the appointment. She vaguely remembered seeing him outside the school after the shooting in one of the medic tents talking to the first responders. She had hoped over time most of that day would become a blur in her mind, and yet her mind couldn’t forget. It was constantly on repeat in her mind. She shook her head in a futile attempt to get rid of the thoughts. “So, what’s up?” She asked.
ben-douglas replied to your post: You’re awesome Kirsten. I want you to know that.
How’s mom?She is getting stronger and better every single day.
Good. I miss her. Tell her the sub they hired is HORRIBLE!!
Haha, I will make sure to pass along the message. She asks about you guys all the time and sends her love. She will be moving out of the ICU soon and then you guys will be able to see her.
ben-douglas replied to your post: You’re awesome Kirsten. I want you to know that.
How’s mom?
She is getting stronger and better every single day.
Thanks, Ben. That really means a lot to me! You’re awesome, too!
Tony looked at his watch, it was almost 4 o’clock which meant he was due to Ms. Phillip’s office for his first consultation. He had been to counselor before, but it was never Ms. Phillips. He was anxious to see her and talk to someone who would be in confidence.
Kirsten sat at her desk, absently scrolling through flight details. She had been entertaining the idea of going back to California to visit her family since she knew that her fiance was in the clear. Although she was still angry, it gave her a peace of mind to know that within a few weeks, Jen would be home. But for now, the apartment still felt empty, and being at Rothesay felt different in a way she couldn’t explain. The events of the shooting still were with her, and she herself was trying to deal with those feelings as well as help the students through their own.
“Come in,” She spoke softly, powering off her computer screen. She had been expecting Tony at the end of the day, and didn’t realize how quickly she had lost track of time.
Kirsten nodded her head, shrugging her shoulders at her fiance’s response. She knew it was a joke - that’s how Jen always was - but she didn’t find anything about the situation humorous or a joke. She was laying in a hospital bed, multiple surgies later after a bullet had ripped through her body; a bullet that the brunette had put there herself. Now that Kirsten knew Jennifer was okay, and would be okay and could see that for herself, all she felt was anger. Overwhelming anger.
“It’s not funny.” She said, swallowing the dry lump in her throat. “They’re okay. Shaken up. Confused a lot. Scared.” She said, taking in a deep breath. “Same as me.” She muttered, finally looking up from her lap. “Jesus Christ, Jen.” She spoke, reaching over to press the call button on the side of the bed. “How long has that been bleeding like that?” She asked, pointing to the bandage on her abdomen.
Jennifer bit her lower lip when Kirsten shrugged off the joke and could sense how angry the blonde was. There were no words in the world that could ever explain or describe why Jennifer did what she did. Why she pulled the trigger and shot herself. Hell, Jennifer could hardly wrap her brain around it as well just to get some sort of clarity on the situation. She knew for a good fact that if the police were not going to take him out then, then they would have never got the guy. He was going to either hold Jennifer hostage for god knows how long or shoot her and be done with it once he had got away and as a parent of children and the fiance of a gorgeous woman who were almost killed because of this mans actions, she could not let him get away. “Please, don’t be mad at me..” She whispered before moving her arms out of the way, looking down at the blonde. “It’s fine, the nurse said they would change it in a hour. There is just some extra bleeding, that’s all.”
“Don’t be…Don’t be mad?” She asked quietly, furrowing her brow as she pulled back from Jen’s bed to make eye contact. “You shot yourself in front of me and you’re telling me…whatever. Okay.” She shook her head, and sat down. She wasn’t sure if her fiance was still on an assortment of narcotics that were making her brain fuzzy, or if she literally did not recognize the severity of the situation. Sure, what she did could be considered heroic by a lot of other people. She saved a lot of lives, but there was still the selfish part of the blonde that was angry the brunette risked her own - risked their future. It was hard for her to wrap her mind around that gamble. Tears began to cloud her vision and she let her head drop, her face in her hands as her body began to shake slightly with her sobs.
“Don’t move,” She spoke, quickly crossing the room to watch the monitor beside the bed. She really had no idea what any of the lines meant, or the words on the screen, but she liked to pretend her extensive interest in medical dramas gave her some insight as to what…
Kirsten nodded her head, shrugging her shoulders at her fiance’s response. She knew it was a joke - that’s how Jen always was - but she didn’t find anything about the situation humorous or a joke. She was laying in a hospital bed, multiple surgies later after a bullet had ripped through her body; a bullet that the brunette had put there herself. Now that Kirsten knew Jennifer was okay, and would be okay and could see that for herself, all she felt was anger. Overwhelming anger.
“It’s not funny.” She said, swallowing the dry lump in her throat. “They’re okay. Shaken up. Confused a lot. Scared.” She said, taking in a deep breath. “Same as me.” She muttered, finally looking up from her lap. “Jesus Christ, Jen.” She spoke, reaching over to press the call button on the side of the bed. “How long has that been bleeding like that?” She asked, pointing to the bandage on her abdomen.
